We all have ‘nothing’ weeks don’t we. I don’t know if that is the correct term for dull weeks but it is what I am using. What I am trying to say is that sometimes we have weeks where nothing does actually happen. This week has been one of those weeks and has probably added to my irritable mood all week.

Why am I feeling like this? Well first of all I am just run down and exhausted mentally and physically. The last bit of time off was early September and I spent most of that time training for the Great North Run so not the most relaxing of holidays. I just need some major ‘me’ time, its is just up to me to do something about it. I know a lot of people see holidays as a luxury thing but I think I need to start making them a priority and making the most of them when I do take them otherwise I will be running on empty like I have been. Midweek I was really bad and had to go out for a walk at lunch time to clear my head and get some daylight. It did help though so will have to try to do this more often.

I suppose really I should be excited that Christmas is coming. I usually love this time of year. I know it is very busy but I still enjoy the whole thing. This year it hasn’t happened yet. A few weeks ago I thought it was starting but no it was a false alarm. I think I need more than just gingerbread lattes to get me in to the spirit. I have just downloaded the Michael Buble Christmas album to attempt to improve the situation. If he can’t make me all warm and cosy inside at this time of year then nothing can. I know I shouldn’t moan though. I have an amazing family some great friends and this Christmas I will be spending time with them all ,having a good time. I think it’s the realisation that as another year is almost over I am still in the same place. I don’t necessarily mean geographically although I am. It’s just I had hoped that this Christmas I might have had someone special to share with it, or be in my own place or have moved on someway in my personal life.

Yeah it is my own fault and that I come up with excuses for it all but at the end of the day it is down to me making an effort and obviously I haven’t done that enough. I let other things get in the way. I need to start meeting new people. This doesn’t mean pushing people away who are already in my life it means I need to ‘get myself out there’ more. I know what I need to do but when it comes to it I just bottle it. I make up an excuse and miss out. This isn’t going to help me meet Mr Right is it?

I suppose I’m just lacking in confidence. I don’t have that high opinion of my looks and I am rubbish at flirting. I do try but I think I just come across too intense or just get embarrassed . I am looking at how I dress and trying to move away from just the jeans and t-shirt look, but its going to take time. I understand now why I should have come out earlier as I could have enjoyed myself more. Now I have to do all of the going out and meeting people stuff but still act responsible. I think I am going to have to organise a night out in Newcastle to explore the scene more. Also its been ages since I had a good night out and had a good dance.  I just need to let my hair down (before it recedes totally).

As well trying to look forward to next year I have also been looking back at things that have happened or could have. This is probably not the best thing to do at the moment but when did I ever make things easy for myself. We all have ‘what if’ moments and I have my share of them. I know it is pointless because I can’t change anything and maybe it was meant to be this way. I do wonder if I had taken more opportunities  I might be in a better place emotioanlly. I know it is all hypothetical but I do wonder sometimes if I should have made the most of some opportunities.

To add to the nostalgia feel at work a group of us had a discussion about what our favourite toys were as children. With that in mind I have done a poll to see what is the favourite childhood toy.

Please vote and I will announce the result next week.

Sorry I have whined on this week but with not much happening then this is what happens. I am forced to look at myself in the mirror and it is taking sometime to get used to the reflection. I suppose I just need some one to nudge me in the right direction.

Hopefully next week will be a better week. So until then its bye for now.

Top TV programme of the week : Merlin

Top song of the week: Glee Cast – Last Friday Night

Book I am currently reading: Jamrach’s Menagerie by Carol Birch