“So what you gonna do when everydays the same……see you at the crossroads” – Blazin’ Squad (2002)
That’s it forget your classical philosophers theories I turn to the lyrics of a Blazin’ Squad song to sum up how I have been feeling this week. Yep I am at the imaginary crossroads trying to decide on where I am going. Do I try a new route or try the same route and end up back here. I have been feeling this way for a while and I suppose we all do at some point. I just feel that after a busy year last year I am now in some sort of limbo and I need to break this routine. Anyway I’ll get to this in more detail in a moment. In the meantime here is what has been happening in the last 7 days for me.
This week it was the Brit Awards. Now I know its got a lot of flaws to it but I still enjoy watching the show as there are usually some good performances. This year the highlight performances for me were Rihanna and double winners Ed Sheeran and Adele. All good award shows though have cringe worthy performances and this year they came in the form of Olly Murs with Rizzle Kicks. The other cringe worthy performance was Blur (I know its controversial) sometimes bands after a number of years still know how to put on a show. Blur obviously haven’t developed this skill. It was actually quite sad to watch them. I suppose it just shows sometimes ‘comebacks’ are just not meant to happen. The other thing award shows usually have are some controversial events. The Brit Awards usually have a few moments but there were few. In fact the worst one was Adele having her acceptance speech cut short so that Blur could perform. Personally I think they should have let her finish her speech and just cut the Blur performance. Why bother watching it I here some of you say. Well I have watched it for a long time now and I do like award shows. I remember watching the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party and writing the winners down (why I don’t know, I just like lists). I have stopped writing the winners down now but I still like an awards show. I have always thought that someday I would like to go the actual Brit Awards but I suppose that is only going to happen in my dreams, oh well.
Regular readers will know that often talk about commuting to work by train and the rule of never speaking to other train users. I have always said that it is quite odd as I usually see the same people each day on the train or platform but we always abide by the golden rule of not speaking to each other. This week though someone broke that rule with me. They are a regular on the train but it was only this week that they broke the silence. It was on my way home and they sat next to me on the train as it was quite busy. I admit I don’t like this as I usually like my space and often give the ‘don’t even think about it’ stare. I didn’t get chance to do that and before I knew it he was sat down talking to me. It is a nice thing to do I suppose and I do think people should do it more but when it happens it is a bit of a shock. I was polite though and kept the conversation going as I didn’t want to appear rude. I was worried that this would set a precedent and he would do this everyday but I think it is just a one-off as his friend who he is normally with was not there that day so I was just a stop-gap for that day. Maybe I need to embrace opportunities like this rather than being shell-shocked.
This week where I work it has been LGBT awareness week or Pride Week as it is also known as. Now some of you may or may not know that since ‘coming out’ I have recently got involved with the staff lgbt network group. This is basically because I needed/wanted to get out more and meet new people and this was a great way of doing that. So after putting off going to one of the monthly socials (excuses excuses)I was strongly nudged by a friend to go. I’m glad they did nudge (in fact I should allow people to push me more) and this is something that I will try to go to when I can. One of the events during Pride week was a talk/Q&A between the staff and student network groups. This was a really good event and I managed to get the afternoon off so I could go and take part. The theme of the talk was ‘coming out in the workplace’ but it also looked at ‘coming out’ in general and the problems you may encounter. Now I am certainly not an expert on this as those around me know, but in reality no one is. Everyone has a different experience and when you ‘come out’ is down to you individually and you have got to be certain you are ready to do it. If I have one piece of advice it is don’t leave it as late as I did. If I could step back in time I would have done it while at University or just after and really enjoyed myself. I suppose by leaving it so late most people had already guessed so it wasn’t that big surprise and didn’t have the ‘wow’ effect. As someone said to me recently any male who is 30 and single and likes musicals is not going to shock most people when they finally come out, and although that is probably a sweeping stereotype in most cases those tell tale signs are correct and mean it’s no secret to anyone. Anyway I digress a little, back to the talk. The staff members talked about our experiences of coming out in the workplace or in some cases not coming out due to the job they do. It was also very interesting to listen to the students experiences and also it gave me some hope that maybe the next generation will not have to worry about coming out as it will just be accepted as a normal thing – which it is. Another interesting thing I learnt was that many major organizations actively try to employ gay people because they are seen as having dealt with knock backs and are therefore more resilient in tough working environments such as banking and law. Overall the event was great and it is amazing to think that this time last year I hadn’t even come out so doing something like this was unthinkable. It reminded me that I have been on quite a bit of journey in just 10 months. I have probably put a lot of pressure on myself thinking that I need to do more by getting myself out more and meeting people because I feel I have wasted so much time. In fact this has not helped and I have felt like I am spinning around and now I just need to stop and slowdown. Yes I need to get out more and if this means doing things on my own then that’s cool. I know I have a lot of great friends who have said confide in me, which is great but at the end of the day I have to make the effort to speak to new people and do new things. Mr Right or even Mr Not Bad is not going to come to find me, I have to find him.
At the start of this weeks blog I said I felt like I was at a crossroads and not sure which path I need to take. Most weeks for me are the same and they have been for many years now and I need a change. I feel like there are a lot of opportunities for me but I am just not taking them and they are just passing me by. I know some people would say just do it and try the new things but I worry it may let others down or come across as just selfish. I keep saying it just difficult and it’s not the right time but I suppose at the end of the day there’s never a good time. Routines don’t allow for the ‘right time’, I just have to make it happen. This has all been on my mind for a long time and I have to deal with it soon before I realise I have left it to late.
Well that’s it for this week. Thanks for getting to the end of the blog and I will try not moan on as much next week.
P.S. As it was Pride Week I have put some titles of Kylie songs into this weeks blog. They are a combination of singles and album tracks. So getting hunting for them and let me know via a comment or message your answers. I will mention those who either get them all or the most in next weeks blog.
Top TV programme of the week : The Brit Awards 2012
Top song of the week: Coldplay – Charlie Brown
Book I am currently reading: Memories by Elaine Paige