Thank goodness for weekends. It seems to me that it is the only time where I can stop for a moment and recharge and reflect on things. It’s not as if I do lots of things during the week. I go to work and come home but is a long day (I know a lot of others do even longer days) and at the moment I just feel mentally drained. Because of this I just seem to flop at the weekend and don’t do much. This is not a bad thing because I do need to rest but it is becoming a bit too much of a routine. Anyway this is what has happened or been on my mind in the last seven days.

Bank Holiday Monday a chance for most people to have a long weekend. However a lot of people do work bank holidays and this bank holiday I had volunteered to go in. Yes you get some extra pay but the reason I went in was because I knew it would be busy and that I might actually be able to use my helpful librarian (library assistant) skills to some use. That is right librarians/library assistants actually want to help people. It’s why we do the job. We genuinely enjoy helping people with their studies and discovering new things. It’s not all Shhhhhhh! and stamping books. In fact I can’t remember when I last stamped a book. We are basically the original Google. We are at out happiest when helping you decipher a reading list, helping you find a book, showing you how to use the mobile shelving. Basically we are an academic emergency service except we don’t have a flashing blue light. When you have an exam looming or an essay due we are there to help you. We actually do care and when we have to tell people off for eating etc we don’t enjoy it. It’s not some power trip we are on we are just looking out for everyone.Remember Librarians/library assistants have feelings too and that we are not just for exam term we are here all year round. Anyway this is why I went in on Monday and it was good. I did feel I made a bit of a difference and I hope my colleagues did too. The other good thing about working Bank Holiday was the ease of travelling. When you do a regular commute especially involving public transport you appreciate the few moments where it is just a simple joy. Being able to get on my usual train without being shoved on and having a choice of table seats is a very rare thing but it is possible on a Bank Holiday morning, the journey home though is busier but hey you can’t have everything.

Despite this positive start to the week the rest of the week hasn’t been as good. This is a combination of the miserable wet weather we are having and the time of year. I do like the rain but just like the snow I get bored after a while and walking to and from the station in the cold and wet is no fun at all. I hope Mother Nature realises that the North East doesn’t have a drought its the South East that does so it needs to move south. I just want some hot sunny weather as this will lift people’s spirits. The time of year doesn’t help either. For some reason April and May have never been good months for me. I always seem to be quite low at this time of year. I usually have things on my mind and this year it is a year since I came out, My official coming out day is when I told my parents so that is Tuesday this week, but by this date last year i had already told some very close friends. Because this has been on my mind last week I reread my texts from some of those friends. I don’t usually keep texts but those were so special and mean so much that I will keep them. They are my reminder of how important my friends are. I think it is because I haven’t planned any holidays or events and therefore I haven’t got anything to look forward to. I seem to be throwing myself into work and going on with my usual routine. I’m existing but not living. Maybe this is why I feel so tired. I looked in the mirror this morning and thought I look so terrible, I look tired and down. Apparently I do look better today than I did Friday according to my mum, if that’s the case then I must have looked like death. I know I’m moaning again and its all my own fault and I do try not moan in my blog, but by me blogging it is getting stuff out of my head and does help me look at things a bit clearer so because of that thanks for persevering with it. If I want more out of life then I need to get up and do something. I think I want to do so many things straight away that I don’t know where to start so I haven’t. But that isn’t helping so I need to make some decisions oh and sleep.

On the subject of anniversary’s this weekend see’s my second anniversary of blogging. That is right I have been doing this blog for two years and  I am surprised at how much I have enjoyed doing it. I thought it would be a flash in the pan and after a few weeks I would stop and forget it. Yet 2 years on I’m still here blogging away my feelings and musings to all of you. Some of you are strangers some of you are close friends. However when it comes to my blog you are all the same. I enjoy your comments and feedback. If I had never started my blog I think things would have been different. The feelings I have had would be the same but I would bottle them up even more and I dread to think what that would have done to me. Yes I should be able to talk to people direct. Say hey I need a chat but in reality I struggle to do it. For me this is my safe guard. It how I let you know how I’m feeling and more importantly it’s for me to look at myself and try to do something about it. Some people think blogs and other social media sites are just ways for people to show off and say look at me look at me. That isn’t why I do this blog. If no one read it I would still do it because it a way of clearing my head of the weeks thoughts and fears. So to all of you reading this and for those regular readers, thank you so much and I hope you stick with it, It does mean a lot to me.

After all this deep and meaningful stuff I think it is only right that I end my blog on a happier note. so I feel I need to mention Britain’s Got Talent. I haven’t been watching all of it but I have seen some episodes and I have to admit to tuning last night for the final to see Ashleigh & Pudsey (the dog) win.  There were a lot of great acts this year and I was pleased to see some good singer/songwriter performers such as
Ryan O’Shaughnessy.  However in the end the Great British public decided that isn’t all down to talent, cuteness has to come into it. So a performing dog was the natural choice. Some people have said this is ridiculous and maybe they have a point but look we are living in depressing times and sometimes you just want to see something cute that makes happy and this does do that. So well done to the two of them

Well that’s it for this week. So until next Sunday bye for now.

Oh by the way I will explain the title of this blog next week.

Top TV programme of the week : Planet Earth Live

Top song of the week: Glee Cast – Somebody That I Used To Know

Book I am currently reading: Sirens by Tom Reynolds