This week has been a week of two halves and mixed emotions and saw the end of a big chapter of my life. So here is what has happened in the last 7 days in my world.
The week started off a bit flat. The sun had gone and the miserable weather had returned and my mood seemed to mirror this. I’m not sure why but it was probably a combination of the weather, tiredness and unsure of where I’m going and where I fit in. I found I wanted some time on my own to think but I knew I needed a chat as well, oh and a much-needed lunchtime Starbucks. So I had a chat with a friend one lunchtime and it helped a bit. It didn’t solve anything but at least I could talk to someone who understood.
I think another reason why I was feeling a bit low/emotional was because this week was my last ever Hospital Radio show. I started doing Hospital Radio 10 years ago just after finishing university. While I was looking for a job I decided to do some volunteer work. This wasn’t because it would look good on a CV it was for my own peace of mind. I don’t like doing nothing and I can’t understand people who are happy to stay on the dole, I found it very demoralising so wanted to do something. So I decided to volunteer at Radio Skerne my local Hospital Radio station. I started off collecting requests from the wards where I met some really interesting people including someone who requested her own song which we actually had. I then progressed to doing a live show. First of all I got training on a Tuesday night before getting my own show on a Sunday night. I even volunteered to do a second show on a Thursday night but I stressed it would only be for a temporary time. Quite a few years later I was still doing the two but did eventually drop the Sunday night show. I really enjoyed doing the shows and I certainly go to listen to music I would normally never listen to. I can’t count the times I have listened to Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’, or ‘Danny Boy’. Still it has been a joy to do but recently I was feeling tired and that the time was right to move on.
It wasn’t an easy decision and for regular readers of my blog you may have heard me talking about me having to make a tough decision this year. Well this was it. It was a tough decision for many reasons. First of all it had helped me through a tough time after uni and if I hadn’t of done Hospital Radio I think I would have gone mad and really depressed. So because of this I felt I owed the station something. Also there is a family connection with the station as my Grandad was on the Friends of the Memorial Hospital board which gave the go ahead for the station to be formed and that helped it start-up. I didn’t realise this until after I had applied and I thought it was a nice thing for me to have got involved in. Another reason why I found ir hard to leave was that I know how hard it is to be a volunteer and to keep something like Hospital Radio running. The same can be said of any voluntary organisation. Hospital Radio has no paid staff everyone there does it out of their own time. It is tough to do and the station does face a lot of challenges. I felt by leaving I would be just adding a blow to the station. I am not saying anything like I was crucial far from it. There are many others who have done/do more. But I was worried it would demoralise or let others down. But the more I thought about this I realised that everyone involved are dedicated to the station and will do everything they can for it. This isn’t because they are told to but because they want to and care about the service they deliver. At the end of the day though I wasn’t enjoying it as much and I felt I was going through the motions when doing a show. This wasn’t good for me or for the station so for the best I decided to leave.
I thought I would just have a quiet last show with me and the other guy on the show. However this turned out to be not the case and a load of people involved with the show came down. It was great to see everyone and say goodbye properly. I ended the show with ‘So Long ,Farewell’ from the Sound of Music as I thought it was a fitting way to end. I have to admit I did feel a bit emotional and sad but I know it is the right decision. So once again thank you to everyone involved with Hospital Radio and to all the patients for their requests over the years. I will certainly keep in touch with people from the station and follow the progress of their great.
A lot of people have asked “What am I going to do now?”. In the short-term nothing. I want some time for me and to get myself in a good place. I have had a lot on and I need to stop and take things in. I don’t rule out volunteering again in the future but for the moment I need to be me. I need to make the next few years count and be about me. I have some amazing friends and family and this is what I need to concentrate on and move forward with. I need to make more of an effort both professionally and personally and yes to challenges and opportunities instead of ‘mmm not sure’ or ‘no’.
I have a week off this week so I can first of all enjoy the Jubilee celebrations on the TV and secondly rest and sort myself out a bit and be more like I was last year with an upbeat positive attitude to things rather than going back to my old quiet self. I will talk more about my thoughts on the Jubilee and stuff in next weeks blog.
The week wasn’t all about emotions and stuff. It did end on a good way with a few drinks after works with some good friends. Its been a while since I’ve done that and it was probably what I needed. I’m lucky I work with some great people who are also good friends but at times we can forget this and lately I have felt things have drifted for various reasons. The night was intended to be a just an hour or so and drinks and some food but turned into five hours. We probably all needed it and we certainly had a good chat and it just reminded me we all have personal lives and sometimes you need to talk about it. I suppose that’s why I do this blog. It can sometimes come across as moaning but it’s just whats in my head and sometimes you need to tell people or more importantly I need to tell myself, I just need to listen to it.
Well that is it for this week. I hope you all enjoy the Jubilee Bank Holiday and I will be back blogging next weekend.
Top TV programme of the week : The Voice
Top song of the week: Loreen – Euphoria
Book I am currently reading: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins