I’ve had a very tiring week and started it in a grumpy mood. I have no idea why I just woke up on Monday morning in a grumpy mood for no reason. We all have days like this I know but it lasted into Tuesday as well. Absolutely no reason or justification for it. On Monday I could quite happily not have spoken to anyone. When I got home I just stayed on my own catching up on episodes of SMASH. I could only deal with my own company. 
I mentioned last week about discovering the TV programme SMASH. I am really loving it and the music that goes with it. So I was surprised to hear that it hasn’t gone down well over here. I find it hard to understand why is has great songs, a great cast and some likeable characters. I really love the characters of Tom and Julia. I think this is because of Debra Messing. I loved her in Will & Grace and these two characters have that same relationship. American programmes seem to capture this relationship well. I would love to have a person who was my best buddy to confide in and have fun with and support each other. I said last week I had neglected my personal life and my friends are part of that. We are all moving on because we are at that age (30’s or approaching them at least), people are married and have families and I suppose I am wondering where do I go with my life. I worry that the last few months I have isolated myself and everyone’s moved on and I didn’t notice. I think when I came out I thought everything would just fall into place but it hasn’t changed much. Yes I am more relaxed about my sexuality but I haven’t got myself out much. It is hard to meet other gay guys in my area and it gets me down. I’m not one of the guys and I am not one of the girls and I’m just in the middle on my own. How did this happen? I need a Grace.
This has been on my mind for a while and had probably come to a head lately because I am looking at where I want to be. The last six months or so I have let myself drift and not had any purpose and it hasn’t been good for me. I am trying/wanting to make changes personally and professionally and hope to have things a bit clearer in the next few months. Work has been busy too and I have let this be an excuse for not doing things and letting myself get really tired which makes me grumpy. I need to work on this area but by putting myself first and having faith in myself and my abilities.
I know this is quite a depressing blog (again) but it’s just what is on my mind at the moment and that’s why I do the blog to get things out in the open in the hope I find an answer.
Well that is all for this week really. Thanks for reading and will be back next week.
Top TV programme of the week : SMASH
Top song of the week: Cast of Smash – Let Me Be Your Star
Book I am currently reading: Stephen Fry In America by Stephen Fry