Anticlimax that’s how it has felt this week. Although lots of things have been happening it seems that this week has really dragged and that some of my enthusiasm from last week seems to have disappeared. Hopefully this is just a short glitch and I will get it back soon. Anyway here is what has been happening in my life and on my mind this week.
The week started off badly (this seems to be a regular theme at the moment). I was on a bit of a come down from the excitement of the week before and worst of all I had earache. I don’t usually get earache but I had it for a couple of days and it was very painful and meant that I didn’t have a good nights sleep and this didn’t help get me in good mood. As if this wasn’t bad enough the snow returned for a day and I didn’t have my snow boots with me for the return journey home from work. This led to a very scary and slippery walk to the train station in shoes with no grip whatsoever. I just managed to make it to the station in time. Hopefully we have now seen the last of it and more spring like weather is on its way.
This week was also Pancake Day and the start of Lent. Now I am not a religious person but I did want to give something up for Lent this year. The problem was deciding what to give up. I thought maybe coffee but realistically that would not happen and if I want friends and family to still be speaking to me at the end of Lent then coffee was not an option. I thought rather than give-up coffee altogether I could give up Starbucks but still thought against it. So I started to think of more ideas. Twitter – no, Facebook -no, Blogging – no, buying books – no it’s my job. So after a lot of options and time quickly running out I have decided to give up biscuits for Lent. Oh and if you are wondering what filling I had with my pancakes I had vanilla ice-cream and golden syrup. I’m sorry but savoury pancakes are just wrong.
Going back to my bad start to the week I think subconsciously I had Valentines Day on my mind and it was probably adding to my glumness. It is the most depressing day of the year for me and I’m in a no win situation with regards to voicing my opinions on the subject. I don’t hate Valentines Day, I’m sure if you are in a relationship then its nice time of the year. If you are single though it hurts like hell. I try not to let it get to me but in the build up to it I am constantly reminded in shops, by e-mail promotions, TV, cinema that it is happening ad we should all be happy and in love and because I’m not it does bring me down. I call it my wear it black day but this year I planned badly or should that be didn’t plan and ended up with no black clothing for the actual day. Looking back to when I was a child I was more embarrassed about Valentines Day. I was mortified if I got a card and remember being given one and then being so embarrassed I dumped it in the bin in front of the girl (I was about 7 or 8 I think long before I realised I was gay). Then as a teenager/uni it was all jokes not taking seriously. OK things are a lot different now and I am now secretly hoping to get one. Not as a joke or from a friend but for real. It didn’t happen this year but here is hoping that next year is different. I’ll even except a text or e-mail it doesn’t have to be a card.
My lack of valentines day cards has made me look at dating and how I go about it. It would be very easy for me to say it’s nothing I have done it must be them. But I know that is not the case. Dates usually fall into one of these categories,
1)I have been on dates with guys who I have really liked but they didn’t feel the same, this is the most common result. Sometimes they do say it to you others just ignore you.
2)There have been times when both of us realised we didn’t click as well.
3) There have also been times (quite rare) when they have been really interested in me and I have to say no even though they were usually nice guys. This is not pleasant and I have not always handled it well and I have felt quite bad about that.
Actually I have realised I jumping ahead again. The problem doesn’t start with the date it is actually getting the date in the first place. Dating is not easy for anyone. It is full of pitfalls and trying to navigate your way to the next level is not easy. The problems of dating that I am going to look at I know are not exclusive to gay dating but that is the point of view I am obviously coming from on this. Meeting a gay guy is difficult. I can’t just approach a guy who I fancy and ask them out. Well I could but risk a punch in the face. ‘Don’t you have gaydar?’ I hear you shout. This is disputed whether it exists. Personally I think it does and in most cases my experience has been correct but not always. Even in a gay bar it is not easy as from my experience there are often quite a lot of straight guys there or they are just saying that as an excuse. Another option is online dating which does work and can be a good way to meet guys. Sadly the problem with this and dating in general is well men. Not all men may I add but a lot do seem to be after one thing and it certainly isn’t the merging of your DVD collection. Yes that is right some men have a different definition of dating. So girls out there reading this I do understand what you go through with regards dating. As well as some men only looking for one thing there is another problem with us guys. The problem is that we don’t do emotions and often don’t want to ask someone out even if we do. We hate the idea of being rejected we can’t take that. I know from my own experience it is difficult and we might put a brave face on it bit inside we are crying. This is a problem for a man and a woman but there is a chance the woman might ask. With two guys you could be in for a long wait. So I have highlighted some of the problems I face as a gay guy when it comes to dating. The biggest obstacle I have I know is me. I need to be more proactive in this area of my life but this doesn’t guarantee success and that scares me. However I must try to get out there and you never know maybe next year I won’t be so grumpy when it comes to Valentines Day.
Sorry for the lengthy piece on dating. I had planned on doing this topic as a stand alone blog post on Valentines Day but instead I baked some cupcakes and I a)felt better b)didn’t have time. I have now made too many cakes and I still wanted to explain though so decided to include it in this post so thank you for being patient and staying with me.
The final thing this week is about childhood memories. On Saturday I helped my parents empty the loft because we are getting some new loft insulation put in so it had to be cleared for that. This resulted in me helping sort through all the boxes and I rediscovered some of my old childhood toys. It is weird but just holding them again brought back memories of me playing with them. I also found my old scout shirt and managed to squeeze it on and by some miracle even fasten one button. I think if I had tried to fasten another one something would have ripped or popped and I’m not sure it that would have been on the shirt or me. Anyway it was nice to relive some memories and then once the work is done it is back up they go.
Well I think I have blogged/moaned long enough this week. Thank you for being patient and persevering with this post and hopefully next week will be more upbeat.
Top Programme of the Week – The Graham Norton Show
Top Song of the Week – Paloma Faith – 30 Minute Love Affair
Book I Am Currently Reading – Warrior of Rome: Fire In The East by Harry Sidebottom