Welcome everyone to this weeks blog. I hope you all had a nice Christmas. Mine was so so but I will get to that later. This is the last weekly blog post of the year but I will be doing a few special end of year posts including my annual ‘My Year In Lists’ as well as my resolutions post. Anyway before all that here is what has been going on in the last week and what has been on my mind.

I mentioned in last weeks blog post that I was full of cold and hoped it would go in time for the festivities. Well it has got better but it is still there a bit even a medicinal Baileys hasn’t got rid of it. Unfortunately both my parents have got it and quite badly so things are not good at the moment but I will talk more about that further on. Christmas Day was ok that magic feeling of not getting to sleep on Christmas Eve has well and truly gone. My parents liked their presents and I got some nice things. There was definitely a baking theme with a lot of my presents as I got a few cookbooks and baking accessories. I had better get baking then well once this cold has properly gone that is.

Even though I am too old for Santa I still write a list of ideas for my parents. I am not bothered about surprises really in fact it’s safer to stick to the list. I never expect everything off the list but something’s feature every year but never happen. Two of my presents this year the giver apologised in advance for and I know you won’t want it. Has this happened to you? One of them was some smellies in an old-fashioned wash bag which has some use but I can’t use the stuff inside as I react badly to a lot of things, the other actually wasn’t bad it was just the giver thought it was. It was scarf and glove set which is actually nice and useful so no problem there in the end. I did get a very nice Harris Tweed overnight bag which I asked for and is very grown up. Sadly no pyjamas again this year so I have had to order some. I always used to get some but now I don’t surely you never get too old for pyjamas do you.

I read an article during the week which was about the Christmas toys everyone wanted but never got. On the list there were two things I remember asking for. The first was the ‘a la carte’ kitchen. I know I am a boy but remember most top chefs are men and started small. The reason I wanted it was because I remember the advert showing a child cooking beans with Swiss roll for her parents who were in bed. I am sure a whole generation of children wanted that kitchen just so they could cook beans. In reality the child was probably serving cold beans but in my head it was real and hot. The other toy was Mr Frosty. It looked and in fact still does look good fun making your own slouch drinks. It probably isn’t the same now as I am sure back in the 80s the colourings would have been packed with E numbers unlike now. What toy did you always want but never got?
One of the things about Christmas Day for me is that we don’t watch TV during the day. So I have been trying to catch up on recordings. I did of course watch Dr Who and I did say I would give Peter Capaldi this episode to convince me to watch the next series. I am still not convinced he is the Right person but I suppose I will give him a chance. It has to be better than the Matt Smith years as I have never really been blown away and this last episode was no different. It was too long and nothing really happened. I think it should have been the first full episode for Capaldi. I certainly didn’t shed a tear like I did when David Tennant left.

I said at the start of the blog post both my parents have now cold. My dad had it quite bad on Christmas Day but he just about managed to make it through the day without having to go to bed although maybe he should have. Despite this blip it was a nice day. It was the first time in years that two of my aunts and uncles had been there so it was almost a full house. It was just like the old days except I was older in fact we all were. I managed to chat a little with everyone but not too much. I used to always get asked certain questions ‘are you seeing anyone?’, ‘have you been on holiday?’, ‘are you driving yet?’. But now that doesn’t happen. Maybe social media answers the questions as they have read it on there. Maybe they have even read this. The question about me seeing anyone stopped when I came out. It’s not that they have a problem with it but as I said in a previous post I have never spoken to them myself about my sexuality. My parents did that for me which with hindsight I should have done. It makes me wonder how I fit in to my whole family maybe I don’t serve a purpose part from filling ‘the gay relative quota’. Although not impossible it is unlikely I will be having any children so I’m not going to be able to carry on the family name or have children for them to gush over. It really hit me this Christmas especially with my parents being ill that I am likely to spend most Christmases alone. I know the family will move on and unless I might someone special then it’s a lonely one. I had never thought about it before until this year. Because of this I want to make the most of my Christmases and want everything to be perfect.

Today  we were meant to be going to my aunts for a Christmas get together which we often do as my cousin is up with his family visiting for a few days. Both my parents are still not well so we haven’t gone and I felt quite down about it. I could have still gone but I wasn’t feeling in the mood to go with all this on mind also I would feel I would be adding a complication. My aunt is the other side of town and I would be happy to walk there and back but I know a relative would insist on driving me home and that would be a squeeze on cars and maybe stop someone else having a drink. So we haven’t gone. I just wanted to be on my own really. My parents are wonder why it has got to me but it’s difficult to tell them about my fears of being alone and how I want all the Christmases for now to be perfect. I know I have occasionally mentioned this on here but never fully and I generally keep most of it to myself which is not a good thing. So when things don’t work out perfectly which I suppose is rare as nothing can be truly perfect I let it get to me. This along with own personal demons make me an unhappy person and this is happening too often. I know it is just one of those things but maybe we get the Christmas we deserve. I have not been the greatest person to be around especially the second half of the year and have let some friends and maybe family down. It’s not right and I had my reasons but maybe this just a bit of karma kicking me up the bum.

I am sure many of you will be glad that 2013 is nearly over. I know I certainly am. I have been putting together my resolutions for next year and I do hope 2014 is a better year for everyone. I hope to publish my resolutions on New Years Eve and get my year in lists post done on New Years Day so stay tuned for them. I haven’t anything planned for New Year which is the same as every year. One year something will come along and surprise me and I might get that special Hollywood style ending to the year well I have to hope. Whatever you have planned I hope you have a good one.

Tim

Top Programme of the Week – Death Comes To Pemberley 

Top Song of the Week – Leona Lewis – One More Sleep

Book I Am Currently Reading – Maurice by E M Forster

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