February 14th is a day I usually dread. I’m not against the idea of Valentines Day it’s just that it’s tough when you are single. You see flowers, gifts, and cards arrive for co-workers and friends and you think yeah that is sweet and lovely but I also find part of you also dies a little. Well it does for me but I try to put a brave face on it.
I’m 33 years old and have never been in a relationship on Valentines Day. I know that is quite sad but it is true so I have never had that chance to be that soppy romantic. Usually I go out of my way to avoid the celebrations and often wear black on Valentines Day. But maybe this is where I’m going wrong. By making a protest against Valentines Day by wearing black and listening to depressing music maybe I’m sending out the wrong signals. So this year I plan to be more relaxed and let it just go over my head and then just maybe next Valentines Day I won’t be on my own. This blog post then is going to be hopefully not down beat and more a letter to a future Valentine. So here goes.
Dear Future Valentine,
This is an odd experience writing to someone in my future. It is like writing a dating profile for a website and you are asked to write about yourself. It’s just difficult and a little awkward to do isn’t it. Anyway here goes. Hi! Sorry I don’t know your name yet so if it is OK I am going to call you FGV (Future Gay Valentine). I have so many questions to ask I almost don’t know where to start. I suppose the first thing I want to know is who are you? Are you someone who is already in my life (Feb 2014) or have we not met yet? Are you a friend or a friend of a friend? Someone on my commute to work, a cute barista in Starbucks or a random stranger in a coffee shop. Maybe online dating finally works for me and we meet through that.Whoever you are thanks for being part of my future life and I am looking forward to meeting you.
As well as wondering who you are I wonder how do we meet each other. Is it on the train and we break the golden rule of commuting and actually talk, or do you write a message on my morning coffee cup, is it a blind date or maybe we arrange a date on a dating website, maybe you contact me through this blog or Twitter or Facebook (but not in a weird scary sort of way), maybe I meet you through work. It’s quite exciting to think about really.
I wonder what you look like. People ask what my type is but I seem to go on dates with guys that don’t look like my ‘type’ so maybe that’s a pointless question. I do like guys in glasses and recently some facial hair (stubble) has been appealing. However I don’t really mind too much as long as you are happy with you and you clean and tidy in appearance then that’s all that matters. Anyway if you don’t have glasses we can always buy you some of those fake ones.
I also wonder who asks who first? Do I finally pluck up the courage and ask you or do you take a leap of faith and ask me. Maybe your super confident and it’s no problem. Who knows? I suppose the most important thing is that one of us asks otherwise nothing will happen. I’m sure you are like me in that you see a guy and your instinct is telling you he is on your team but you can never find that ‘right moment’ to ask. You would think having waited so long to ‘come out’ because I couldn’t find the ‘right time’ to do it I would learn there is no right time. Maybe you have tried to ask me already but didn’t pick up on the signals (I’m rubbish at that sorry) or I had my headphones in and didn’t hear you. Maybe you do see me around and hope I’ll ask. I will be interested to see how this works out.
What job do you? Not that it matters but I would be interested to know. Maybe a teacher, doctor, shop worker, IT guy, actor or maybe a librarian like me. There is so much I want to know.
Next I wonder what we do together and what interests you have. I hope you like theatre and galleries as much as I do. If you don’t then it’s not a problem. I’m not someone who has to do everything together. For me it’s all about the little things such as coffee in bed or a DVD night (I wonder what your favourite movies are?) Nothing flashy just quality time together maybe with lots of hugs. I’m not saying I wouldn’t want surprises or big gestures just that they are not the most important thing. I would do this for you as well and look forward in doing so.
I know I’m not perfect and I am sure my habits such as asking ‘are you ok’ all the time drive you mad at times or you think it’s odd that I switch the light on and of with my elbow but these are just little things and I hope you can see past them. I wonder what habits you have? It’s just another thing I have to discover I suppose. There will be times when we fall out but I promise I won’t go to bed on an argument with you.
Writing this has made me think that although there is a chance no one is there in my future I still believe there is a whole new and exciting chapter of my life out there waiting to be opened and read. I hope it comes along quickly. Maybe you are still trying to ‘find yourself’ before you meet me. Well whenever you are ready I am too. I look forward to meeting you and whether it is next Valentines Day or the one after or the one after that I don’t really mind as long is it happens sometime. For now though I suppose I just haven’t met you yet.