We now over half way through the year and it is that time where I stop and look back over the last 6 months and how I have done with my resolutions and plans for the year. I’m a bit late doing it this year partly because I have been busy but also becomes I’m a bit scared to do it as I know I haven’t had the best 6 months and many resolutions are still to be addressed. However this shouldn’t be an excuse and I have to stop and look at that I have and haven’t achieved so far. So here we go.
Get my own place
This is a tough one as it the one out of all my resolutions that I want and crave the most. It is also the one I am struggling with the most. I haven’t had time to look around because I have been busy with work and the play and that was a reason from last year as well so should have done something about this. The other thing is that my Dad’s diagnosis was a real curve ball and makes we wonder if I was able to move out should I. I need to for my own sake but as an only child my parents are relying on me or that is how it feels anyway. To move out would make me feel as if I was walking away from it all and leaving them to it and I can’t do that. I do know though that some progress with this resolution needs to happen as I hate living where we are. The street and area are not great and I hate spending time at home because of the neighbours. I can’t see how this resolution will be done this year but a lot can happen in 6 months I suppose.
Last year was one of my worst years for dating as I didn’t go on a single date. This year I have made an effort in this area. nothing may have come of it but at least I have put some effort in to this resolution. I have been on 2 dates this year and although they didn’t work out it is still progress. I also restarted my online dating profile. I haven’t had much luck on it but I will keep it going for a bit longer. Part of me thinks I try to hard and then I think maybe I am not trying harder enough. Hopefully I can make some further progress in this area and led on what I have done in the last six months.
Have more confidence in myself
Another tough resolution. This area needs more work to. I have always had low confidence in myself and my abilities and in how I look. I have done some good things to improve my confidence this year such as the play but I need to believe in myself more and see the good things I can do. I need to stop listening to that inner voice that is negative and start giving the positive voice a chance. With regards my body image I need to get back into my fitness regime and healthy heating. Looking at the pictures from the play I love quite big and it is hard to look at them. Also if I had enough money I would get teeth done but that won’t happen this year.
Start a professional qualification
I had planned to start Chartership this year but I have hadn’t had the chance to do it. It would be good to start now but like many things at the moment until I know dates for my Dad’s operation I am really struggling to plan anything as I am trying to keep things free until I have an idea of when things are to happen.
In addition to starting a professional qualification I have been thinking about my job and career and what I want to do with it in the future. I want to start to embrace new things. There is so much that I want to do I just need to sit and work out how I am going to make them happen.
Be less anti social – make time for others
I have tried to be more sociable this year and have gone out a little bit more but I could try harder. I still feel like the wounded animal that I did last year and when I do stuff such as cinema, theatre etc I do it on my own. Don’t ask why I just do. I do like my own company but it would be good to have some shred experiences I just have to let that happen. Last year this was category green and I moved it up to amber this year so I know this is important to address.
Make a difference – to someone or something
This is hard to prove really as you never really know what difference you make to people or don’t. I did pick three charities that I wanted to support this year and set up a just giving page for them so I could donate to them and if anyone else wanted to they could. If you do want to then follow this link.
Because so much is going on in my personal and family life at the moment I’m ashamed to say that making a difference to others hasn’t really been on my mind as much as it should have. I would like to think I have helped people but I don’t know if I have or haven’t. I will try harder at this.
When I put this down as a resolution I realised I was asking too much as if I was going to spend lots of money on travelling then it would possibly be better putting it into moving out. Still I wanted to keep my options open and this a sensible thing to do. Sadly I haven’t travelled much this year. In fact I have travelled less so far this year than last year. I haven’t been north of Newcastle or further south than York. I really could do with a break away somewhere just for a few days but once again I can only book something once I know when my Dad has his operation. It is unlikely to be abroad but it would be nice to visit somewhere in the UK that I haven’t been to before.
I have tried to stay clam this year and not let things get to me but as there has been so much going on it has got to me. All aspects of my life need attention and I can’t do all of it. I feel as if I am in the circus spinning plates but they are all about to fall on the floor. I’m not very good at talking about things so I keep bottling them up and this makes me stressed. I just have to work harder at this area and use my coping strategies more and try to stay calm when I can.
Write a book
I said when I put this down as a resolution that it seemed a bit random but I wanted it as one of my resolutions as I wanted to have something creative to do. One of the reasons I have kept this blog going is because I enjoy writing ( I always have) and by having a blogging routine it makes me write on a weekly basis. I would love the idea of being a blogger professionally writing for magazines, newspapers or websites where I would work at home or in trendy coffee shops, going to friends art exhibitions etc. I’ll stop dreaming and get back to the point about writing. I have a couple of ideas for books. One is a historical novel about Thomas Wolsey and Durham, the other is a collection of short stories about train commutes. Maybe I need to sit and find the time to start writing one or both of these and see what happens. What do people think about this?
So there you go 6 months after making my resolutions there is still a lot to do. Life has thrown things at me in the last 6 months that I didn’t expect and could have done without but there is nothing I can do about that I just have to try to make the next 6 months count and not write the year off yet. Despite the last 6 months being tough there have been highlights such as the play, Newcastle Comic Con and Durham Pride. Hopefully there will be more highlights to come. I’ll let you know in my weekly posts and at the end of the year in my Year in Lists post.