Hi everyone and welcome to this weeks blog post. It is fair to say it has been a tough past week and a lot of things have happened and a lot has been on my mind but I have some how made it to Sunday feeling more positive about the future. This week I will be discussing coping with ill parents, friendships and the film ‘We Are Your Friends’. So let’s get started. 

In last weeks blog post I said my Dad had a chest infection but was due to have his operation on Tuesday and we didn’t know if this would go ahead or not. We phoned first thing on Monday and were told he still had to go in and they would assess him. I had mixed emotions about this. I of course wanted my Dad to have the operation as it is the only way to get rid of the cancer but I also was worried the infection would make the operation too risky My uncle picked us up and we went through to the hospital and waited and waited and waited. The doctors and nurses we saw all seemed to think it was unlikely it would go ahead but they decided to keep him in overnight and blasted hm with antibiotics and would decided first thing on Tuesday. It was tough leaving him and none of us knew whether he would have it or not and if he was to have it I wouldn’t see him before his operation. At this stage I wanted to say to the doctors ‘forget it he’s coming home right now’ but I couldn’t he had to decide that. After a night of very little sleep for all of us he was sent home the next day as he wasn’t well enough for the operation. It is a major operation and carries risk anyway but this infection would increase that too much. I am relieved they made this decision but it means we have to go through the waiting all over again.  He is getting better from the infection now and actually we have all learnt a lot from this week about how we can deal/cope with the operation and afterwards. I am also very great full to my uncle for taking us and staying. It meant a lot to us all that he did and it was nice to be able to chat to him. As a family we used to see each other every week at my grandparents but since they died it is less often usually just Christmas now and I miss that.

If the concern over my Dad wasn’t bad enough my Mam has been bad as well. A combination of things really and last Sunday night was tough and a bit emotional for us all.  With my Dad in hospital on Monday I had to look after as well. I don’t mind it’s what you do for your parents but it did mean it was a tougher start to the week than I was expecting. Like my Dad she is getting better too but still not a 100%.

When things like this happen in your life they are tough but we all find our own ways of coping and we do cope. It’s not perfect and things could be better but we do just cope. That’s been me this week. I am not saying I have been perfect at it and yes I have had a little secret cry but I have coped and if I am honest better than I thought would. I know I get stressed and anxious (it’s a family thing) and some days are better than others but I do deal with it by using my own coping mechanisms. Anyone who suffers with stress or anxiety will know this and we all have different methods. FullSizeRender 2To the outsider it may appear we are not doing anything about it and they may tell us we should be doing something usually what they think. This is well-meant and that advice may work for that person but not necessary for the other person. There is no one solution and the chances are the person suffering with the stress or anxiety is in the process of dealing with it in their own way. I am guilty of giving advice too much even when it is with good intentions but when you receive it sometimes it is worse than them not doing anything at all. You only learn the truth when you are in that position. The best help is to offer to listen, allow yourself to be cried on , screamed at etc but not advice unless asked. That sounds rude and harsh and out-of-order but just like that advice it well-meant.

One of my coping mechanisms this week was a night away in Newcastle. Once I knew what was happening with parents and confident they were well enough to leave them. I booked a hotel for one night and 24 hours away from home. Yes Newcastle is close by but that wasn’t the point. I wanted some time to switch off from reality of home and focus on me. Selfish I know but it has helped. I had a nice meal, went to the cinema and had a few drinks and a little dance. I had a great time but I am getting a bit old for late nights I think. I wasn’t sure I should have a night away. My parents were feeling better and were wanting me to do it but I felt others may judge me for leaving them. I know I shouldn’t let that get to me but it is the guilt of the only child. The short time away really helped and has made me think about a lot of things particularly my future and after the week I have had it was just what I needed.

The film that I went to see on Friday night was ‘We Are Your Friends’. It is the latest Zac Efron movie and spending a few hours on Friday night with Zac Efron isn’t the worse thing to do. I didn’t expect much from the movie and it didn’t deliver much. It wasn’t a terrible film and Zac Efron is good in it but the film could have been better. The animated drug scene was cleverly done but the plot was basic and weak. Still it was good film for a Friday night if you were planning ongoing out. The title suggested it was about friendship and it was a bit (maybe it was meant to be more about this) but was more about taking risks and self discovery and moving on. I have been undecided on my mark for this film and I think it will be 2/5.

The title of the film may not have been that relevant to the plot of the movie but friendship has for a few months now been on my mind and how dynamics have changed. Life happens and we move on and interests we had are not the same I get this but often don;t realise until the change has happened and I think that is where I am. My interests and passions are politics , theatre, sci-fi/fantasy , LGBT rights, books, blogging. I’m not a parent so struggle with parent talk both not knowing anything about it so not right to have a say on it and honestly self-defence as I know I won’t have that life and if I dwell on that it hurts so I remove myself from those conversations. At the same time I know my interests are just as alienating  to some friends as well. I probably bore people with gay talk, politics, acting etc. There’s usually one interest though I would share with a friend. Sometimes a connection disappears altogether and what then?  Sometimes this means we lose touch and pass each other in the street with the ‘hi’ and yes it hurts and you feel weird inside but you also know nothing bad has happened , you have just moved on. To reference Wicked the reason you both came into each other’s life has happened and hopefully you are better people because of it. I usually let myself believe I am the problem and it’s not true. People come into your life for a reason some of them stick around for life some don’t. They may not be the ones who give advice all the time usually they do one better and just listen.

I have learnt a lot this week. Some good some bad but I also lived a bit and that’s what life is about isn’t it ! Friday night I pushed my comfort zone. The fact that I call it a comfort zone is a problem. Yes it might take more than dancing to ‘Call Me Maybe’ with a random guy and a girl who looked like Anna Kendrick but it is a start. To think about it that song couldn’t have been more appropriate. I talk myself out of things and that song is about taking a chance. Ok it’s 15 years ish too late but it is a start for me. Home is going to be tough over the next few months and I have to get on with it but to do that I have to take time for me as well. I have to stop thinking it is selfish to do so. It’s hard coming back to reality after time away but at least I left for a bit and didn’t stay in reality all the time. September is a time of fresh starts for me. It’s when I started school, uni and started in my job. This September is another year of change.I just get that feeling. It’s not just this last week that has made me feel like this. I have been feeling like this for months now and I am trying to find my way through this change and it is tough but kinda exciting at the same time. So if you see me around don’t worry I am actually ok (even if I look miserable) so let’s chat about random things, have coffee, do lunch etc but don’t think I’m not coping I am just not in the way you might.

Top Programme of the Week – X Factor

Top Song of the Week – Charlie Puth [feat Meghan Trainor] – Marvin Gaye

Book I Am Currently Reading – Life After Lifer by Kate Atkinson