Hi! It has been a long time since my last blog post and It is fair to say a hell of a lot has been happening and this is why I have had a short break from my blog. So here goes.

On 20th July my Dad, David passed away peacefully in his sleep from cancer. Although we knew as a family this was going to happen at some point  the speed of it was a surprise and we are all still in a state of shock. He meant a lot to the family and it has been hard for us all to accept and deal with.  This is why I have had a break from my blog and been quiet on social media. Now that the funeral is over and I start to get back to work my life I feel it is time to come back to my blog.

In recent weeks and months the support from family and friends has been amazing and I want to thank everyone who has been there for us in the last few weeks. The messages of support, offers of chats and coffee etc are all very much appreciated. So far I have been focussing on my Mam and myself but from now I will start to get around to talking to everyone.

I also want to thank St Theresa’s Hospice who have been fantastic in the support we received before and after my Dad’s death. Thank you isn’t enough really but I will be eternally grateful to them and hopefully do fundraising for them in the future. They do a lot for people in the town. If anyone wants to donate to them then please do and you can do so here.

Grief is natural but a very strange experience and I have found myself wondering what do I do? Should I be crying everyday, wearing black all the time, curtains closed, how long do we keep cards up for? etc. I am not sure. We have received various leaflets about bereavement and support we can get which is useful but also a bit harsh as if this is a formal process. I have cried a lot, I have hugged a lot, I have got angry, felt scared but also been nostalgic and remembered good times and even felt happy because of the happy memories(but felt wrong for feeling this way). In the past society expected you to mourn for a period of time but that doesn’t seem to be the case now and is probably why I felt like I was bumbling along. I suppose like everyone we have just done what we felt was right for us and hopefully that is enough.

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The funeral was on Wednesday and it was all a bit of a blur really. I managed to do my speech though which meant a lot to me and I think it meant a lot to the family as well. I wanted to do it but was scared I would be too emotional but I somehow found the strength to do it.

For me and my Mam our everyday lives have changed and we now need to find our way again and we will do. My Dad’s death has made me think about my life and mortality and made me focus on questions I have ignored. It has also made me think about ‘last times’. I keep thinking the last time he did something or went to a certain place and not realised it would be the last time. It really makes you think and realise how fragile everything this.

I need to make the time for myself to stop and think and relax and recharge and get ready to start a new period of my life. I have never felt the need to have a holiday as strongly as do now but I will to see what is possible this year.

That’s it for this week. Hopefully I will get back into a routine again with my weekly blog and get that summer reading blog done as well.

Thanks again for all the support people have given me and the family.

Top Programme of the Week – Game of Thrones

Top Song of the Week – Bruno Mars Vs David Guetta – Versace On The Floor

Books I Am Currently Reading –  How To Stop Time by Matt Haig 

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